I have practiced yoga 3 days in a row
This might mean absolutely to you but it is a big win for me
I am in love with my body and I love it considerably more when I'm on a mat and can see what it can do.
I love how my toes spread out like little fat sausages and grip me down for balance.
I love that I can get into crow, and eight angle, and headstands with relative ease even after my long sabbaticals
I love that I push myself a lot more and quell my inner Miss Trunchbull when I flow a difficult flow
But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that one day I'll neglect my body and I'll lose all its capabilities and find myself sitting in a pile of uneaten chocolate cake
And it's partly for this fear that I keep rolling my mat out
I'm also trying to get the inconsistent out of my self description of yogi
I had a conversation with my cousin a few days back about relationships. Relationships with ourselves, with our parents, with partners and so on
I said something in our discussion that stuck with me and that I want to elaborate on
I can't wait till I have a son so I can mold him to be a good person
To be a good man is what I really meant
..I booked my first national commercial!
Exciting stuff right?
I formally prayed after I got the confirmation e-mail. Formally as in actually got on my knees and thanked God for the opportunity to do these kinds of things. Peter would have been proud
I'd been put on avail (i.e. part of the final round of potential actors) the night prior and had since been refreshing my e-mail anticipating an acceptance or rejection letter
I try not to do that, get hung up on jobs but I'm not perfect and I slip up sometimes
"Hold on tightly, let go lightly" -- better said than done Lupita
Either way, it worked out well for me this time so perhaps a firm grip ain't all that bad...
I am not open.
In fact, I'm a book so closed, my wrapping has yet to be removed
I value privacy but simultaneously long to share my thoughts
This results in me speaking in metaphorical tongues
Hiding the true messages of my heart in tres leches layered streams of consciousness
But then something changed. I learned recently that it's ok for people to read my unedited pages
The world will not end, the sun will still rise, traffic will still flow, I will still be loved
I've always thought of my life as a story. There are chapters in my story that I would love to erase or rewrite, but unfortunately they've already been published. It is these published stories I'm coming to terms with and learning to let others read. Thus far, I've only had one true reader. They have since finished these segments of my book and here I am: shamefully self conscious, frightfully insecure, emotionally cracked. But alas, here I am....